Further Ponderances

Ecclesiastes 2:2 -- I said about laughter, "It is madness," and about pleasure, "What does this accomplish?"

Laughter...  Still trying to understand what it exactly is...  It's difficult to try to even understand laughter if it is madness, because normal logic and reasoning wouldn't be able to apply to coming to understand something that defies it.

As well, something that I have been wrestling with that I haven't had a good understanding for what it was is this: when is it okay for a desire to be satisfied?  When does a desire need to be satisfied?

At the current moment, I am still at...odds with things...  For instance, when I am hungry, when is it okay to eat?  Should I just eat because I get hungry, or should I eat at specific times?  When should I hold out, and for how long?  Why would one hold out on their desire to eat, when their body asks for it, or gives the signs and signals that it requires further sustenance to continue going nominally.  It is obvious that when a person finally can't move or is too weak to do certain things that perhaps the limit for needing to eat something has been...surpassed...but...when does it become a requirement for a person to eat?  Does one eat right when they are hungry?  Perhaps not, especially given any situations that they may be encountering at a given time.  For instance, if they are about to eat in a little while, anyway.  How about if a person is hungry and it is usually about that time to eat, but there isn't actually a necessity to eat, either?  Well, this is all on fleshly things, anyway.  The core of the question is about one's heart's desires.

Some desires seem to be signals in a person's heart that something is missing.  One's attitudes may change that into a feeling for which the person may choose to do certain things in order to resolve that desire.  In this, I consider a murderer, in how they are...driven into killing others.  I do not know what that would resolve in them, whether it be a need to feel control over another, or anything else to that degree, but...that sort of makes me further wonder about...desire.  How a person feels and what they do to resolve that feeling may be two different things, and further...  There are things that can be built up in the heart that...are evil.  It can drive a person insane because there is no way of purely satisfying those evil things, but...there are ways of removing them.  Those ways are...discipline...  I doubt that it's the same as...beating oneself to a pulp.  There can be painful discipline, like that which may be used on a child to get them to have self control and not do the wrong things...  There also seems to be something or anything that can be done to remove recursive poison from one's heart.  I don't know what it is, though.

Then there are acceptable and fruitful desires that aren't bad.  Trying to sort out the good and bad desires seems to be a bit difficult here and there.  There can be such a fine line between the two.  There is definitely a difference and no gray area, but...sorting the two can seem to be difficult.  Especially without Father's Light helping to shed light on the true nature of those items.  The energy.

Hmm...  One cannot be the slave of two masters, and neither can one's heart be able to cultivate two different types of fruit.  They either choose to cultivate good fruits, or they cultivate bad fruits.  If one tries to do both, there will only be war and conflict within them.  Rooting out the bad desires...is a process unto itself.  Seeking to go out on a witch hunt would be just that, and would potentially kill those that are innocent...

Purity may be influenced by...motive, the way the desire may be resolved, actually possibly an endless list of influences.  But then, if and when it is learned that something is actually okay to fulfill, when does one do so?  Definitely based on situation, but...does it need be fulfilled?

This is what has been learned from a conversation with a fellow minister, and guardian:

A desire that is had must be determined to be pure or not.  This is done via Father's help.  If it is a pure desire, then one should do what they can, and what they are allowed.  One should then entrust whatever they cannot do to Father.  And definitely pray from beginning to end on all these things.  Not acting on a pure desire is like not acting on Father's True inspiration, which is cowardly.  Being a coward is...extremely discouraged.

This is just a couple personal experiences.  They both lead to the same lesson.  First, when I had set myself to read scripture from beginning to end in a fast pace, of which a fast pace is anything other than following Father's Spirit and learning Wisdom and instruction by Father's own hand, I had begun to feel sharp pains in my heart.  That was a direct sign from Father that I shouldn't be doing that.  Truly, a person must consider each stroke of a letter in scripture as if a wonderful treasure...and probably continually deeper than that.  The second is in...deciding to just live with a desire that pained me not to even do anything about.  There are desires in one's heart that can be good, and can be bad.  Those desires that are okay and are good, they shouldn't be just ignored or miscalled as evil.  Calling a pure desire evil is...well...a sin...because that is the same as calling Father's Inspiration as something that came from evil, which is to call Father evil, which is a horrible...horrible...horrible...blasphemy.  In that way, and because I called a desire evil that was actually driven by purity, and set myself to try to live without it and exist without it, I received such pain in my heart that could only be described as a deteriorating heart condition.  Only by listening to the desires that were definitely driven by Father's own generosity and selfless giving, and actually believing to do something about it, is the feeling any bit...satisfied and okay.

The lesson in both accounts is simply to listen to Father's instruction and direction.  If something is learned and deemed impure, it must be abolished with immediacy.  If it is pure, it should be acted upon.  These things come from Father's Spirit speaking within one's heart.  This can escalate even to points of physical pain...and to tell the truth, that is actually at a bit of an extreme.  One shouldn't go that far, nor be so hard of hearing, nor even cling to beliefs that are obviously false.  As well, none of the desires Father provides, whether be discipline or encouragement, should be grudgingly acted upon, because that is just about as bad as not acting on them at all.  Father doesn't provide the things She does out of Her own necessity, for She definitely doesn't need anything at all.  Rather, it is truly out of love and generosity from Her own true and very, very rich and loving heart.