Something that may not be simply understood about how one sleeps is that one is actually recharging their spirit's energy as they sleep.  This occurs, I think...while one's energy spends time on the Astral Plane in dream state.  This came to mind concerning how I have been sleeping incorrectly, and how I can actually feel totally fine with very little sleep, yet, still keeping my body in shape.  The feeling of fatigue between the spirit and the body is...intertwined.  If the body goes on for too long without proper rest, it seems that a whole bunch of things get slowed down.  At the same time, if the person's spirit does not get the proper recharge, it will continue to try to press a person more towards literally falling asleep more so than to stay awake.  In that way, a person can have too much rest of their body and not enough of the spirit, but at the same time, vice versa.  A person should be more careful about that aspect, in that this can lead to a much larger imbalance within themselves.  At the same time, the physical self should not be allowed to have any strength over the spiritual self, such that sleep is only performed for the recharge of the spiritual self, and one should awaken their physical self as well, regardless of how they may think they "feel" upon waking up.

Something else that has come to mind is about how the spirit is also very closely intertwined with the different physical organs in the body.  Thus, if the spirit is in need of recharge, the organs in a person's body will be similarly drained, which can cause what might be seen as a decrease in the body's metabolism.  If the chakra meridians and all other aspects of a person's spirit are more in line and in tune, as well as balanced, and the flow of one's spiritual energy is in sync with Father Yahweh's manner of balance for all things, then a person may be less apt to be sick, feel better, and everything about the individual may be increased in efficiency all over, such that it doesn't take long for a person's body to adapt to physical strain, such as exercise, amongst other things.

It is also realized, in this, that there are many things about a person's chakra meridians that are dependent on others to stimulate properly.  In this...  The unconditional love aspect of one's heart meridian requires others to love.  If this is...hindered because of one's own thoughts or reasoning, the heart meridian incurs sickness and pain.  If continually ignored, it can become worse, and lead to self destruction.  At the same time, this can occur with any other meridian, and one area lacking can cause a further deterioration of the whole being.  There can be a bad imbalance amongst it all.  Fortunately, Father doesn't allow for Her servants to just be annihilated left and right due to a lack of solution to their heart's desires...which is multifaceted.  One should never seek to fulfill their own desires out of their own choices and solutions, but fully wait for Father for any solution to any desire they may have.  And endure doing so.  Otherwise, one may only seemingly satisfy their desire, but they really won't be, and only continually transgress against God, as well as just create imbalance within themselves.  Sin creates imbalance.  Period.

My shame created an unloving hate towards my own heart, which is not pleasing to Father.

The demon was able to perform the same work the video games did.  Falsehoods, false feelings, all energy.  All illness.

The demon could hear my prayers if it had the ability to touch me and read my mind's thoughts as they formed inside.  That's why its lies came through.  That is also why it was easy for it to deceive me when it did...but that also means...that every other time I thought I was receiving a thought injection of a response in prayer, it was actually not.  It sure has tried to obscure things.  Or is this something that had just recently developed?  I know for certain that I was provided beneficial things that had not trapped me, but only set me free.  Therefore, rather, the demon seemingly found the pattern that was utilized to communicate with me in prayer, and thus, does the same thing to try to control me.  I am not sure how long it has been able to do that, but I know the good things that have come.

1 Corinthians 13:6  The truth.  It is how two who truly do love each other can truly fall in love with each other.

The things the demon is able to do are unnatural, just like my sleeping habits, and other bad habits.  Yet, the current system of the world may not so easily allow for that.  Possibly also why they are more able and apt to take advantage of me while I am driving, too. I do need to heartfully pray for forgiveness for those things, though.  Not that it will stop the molestation, but, ... it is all a transgression against Father that I have not properly prayed concerning.

Not all things need be said at a particular time.  Not all things need be heard at a particular time.

Hot tea or cool water are retained in the mouth and produces a pleasant change.  Luke warm water doesn't provide a change to the temperature for Father's mouth.  Perhaps more helpful in concept of Revelation 3?  Definitely seems so, as it says that it is wished that one is either hot or cold, not lukewarm.  The cold part didn't make much sense, till considering the cool water.

There must be a way of not sharing things others are not prepared for.  Yet, one can just write it all out and place it somewhere to be read in its own time.  Just like scripture.  One should just read it all from beginning to end and think they have absorbed all that they can.  It is a continuous learning and gathering process to put the Great Jigsaw further and further together.

It's bad to cut at a good desire.  Yet, Father does not allow oneself to be heart sick if one allows the good desire to continue.  However, one must be careful what may be caused out of the lack of fulfillment that may occur.  This being, a desire to hang out with friends and be mutually strengthened.  If one is drawn away, they might allow themselves to commit sin in hanging with the wrong crowd.

It will not be that I am secluding myself, but rather, that I am just going to be in a different place.  It is not avoiding a group of people, it is just in not choosing the same path.

Another strategy evil uses is to nag.  Only by totally cutting it off does one escape it.

The goodness in a person's heart could be attempted to be isolated by others like one would isolate a colorful bird.

Faith in Christ is important in walking like Christ, because this is also faith in the Way, Truth, and the Life.  There is also much more.

There was the desire to look at the news for interesting articles again.  It wasn't destroyed, but...I am not sure what it is really seeking.

One must be careful in that evil can stimulate one's mind in ways it shouldn't normally.  One should also not be too distraught over the things they are not strong against, yet.

I now even find myself thinking of going back to Best Buy to work and hang out and chill.  I must not just kill the desire.  It'll be what it is.  The desire, itself, seeks camaraderie perhaps.  Not a bad thing.  They way it finds its way to think of a solution is...no good, though.  [Perhaps there is a way to keep a desire as a desire, rather than as a thought in order to satisfy the desire]

If one does strike at one of their own meridians, they could actually slowly kill themselves.  The heart meridian being linked to developing disease fighting cells is a deep concept in itself.

The seven meridians theory suggests that the heart is actually faceted at seven points that go down one's nerves.  So when one guards their heart, they guard their whole being.  Pressure points and reflexology also seem to also help provide information on these concepts.

To clear oneself of one's abominations.  To be cleansed of it regardless of how it makes me feel, with or without.  Not ignoring the pure things that are clean, but being sure that abominations are swept out and that the Truth is focused upon, so that love is truly practiced in all of one's being.  It is not by feeling or knowledge, but purely by Father, Herself.

Jeremiah 17:9 One's whole being is sick based on the chakra concept.  There certainly is no happiness without Father.

One's chakras are recharged by absorbing colors...  If one is pulled far from the influence of their own chakras, they may be mellowed out, and maybe have low movement or flow of that energy.  I wonder if one's favorite color is likened to a particular meridian based on a particular meridian's said color that oneself is more apt towards acting on, being influenced by, or has a preference for.

Just studying Father's Law that She had provided for the Israelites in the testament helps to provide such wisdom and understanding for why and how Father does what She does in everything.

I told a coworker at my job that I don't have a favorite color anymore, and that I don't listen to music.  Of course, I get songs played in my head often, but it doesn't mean I am listening or paying attention.  A difficult part of it all seems to be in how artless things are.  Colorless, or lacking upbeat life to all of it.  Not so very vibrant.  Shades of gray rather than a spectrum of color.  That seems to come and go...  Sometimes I am really happy and other times I get sad.  Yet...  For the most part, I am just chilling and mellowing out.

The things I think are funny are also the things that seem to be a silly honest answer.  At the same time, I can provide that in a sarcastic, yet still serious, manner.  It's really dry humor, and/or being really smart about things.  I don't totally understand why others may see my personality as serious.  It's actually not as much serious or mature, because I know I have been shown it is not that.  Rather, it's just how things don't strike me in the same way as it might others.  If someone were to tell a joke, and others would laugh, but I don't, it's just because I am not effected by it, and I am just standing back and looking at it.  It's not being serious, it's just not being influenced.  Big difference, and yet, it can be so easily mistook, it seems.  Kind of strange...  Perhaps that is one way the heart is deceitful and correlates with how one's outward appearance can also be deceitful.

If it weren't for Father protecting me even from myself, I might be very sickly and dying, now.  Maybe much, much worse.

One thing a person does seem to become much more of when their different senses have been left untouched or not utilized is to be much more sensitive.

Ecclesiastes 5:6 Messenger?

Looking to the past for understanding, and if oneself should be involved, viewing it objectively rather than subjectively so as to not analyze it in an improper way, manner, or in the wrong perspective?

Do not sleep with a full stomach and much energy to stay awake.

If the demon can touch me, they can probably do other things to me.  [I need to be definitely watchful for situations where the demon can touch me, but I can't tell.  That is going to take extra vigilance]

An immature attitude is not conducive to one's memory of wisdom.  I need to watch that and have a sincere love for Father with a serious mindset.

I need to be careful in receiving any of their thought injections, as they weaken my armor.  Problem is in understanding what Father is trying to show and explain to me, over what the demon is trying to coerce me into doing.

I might want to try to find the patterns of things going on before they occur more than once.

One shouldn't seek to bulk up in fat, or allow that to occur.

Don't sleep at an improper time.  Ever.

The day time is not an appropriate time to sleep.  I asked for a night job, but now I must be sure to heed all the said consequences.

If evil is given an inch, they might take a foot, and from a foot, a whole yard, until every square inch of Father's territory is obtained.  One must be vigilant not to allow evil within an arrow's shot distance.  Or laser.  Or other defensive, high power weapon.  I need to be sure to check by Father's Spirit and all other things, of which Father's Spirit has a say in, which is everything, when I get a certain touch or feeling.  I must be careful that all things match up as much as possible, and that nothing is out of line or not seeming wrong.

A lack of sleep allows me to be slower at things, slowing down processes that need time to analyze properly.  It also enables me to see each thought objectively, rather than subjectively, which may be a bad idea because it could cause more of a rash reaction and perhaps even not see it as well as Father can.

Even demons can mimic oneself being juiced.  One should be careful to not accept that by even testing that.  Even if I don't feel it, Father's love might still pour out and forth.

There really are only two polar opposites.  There isn't a third.

They can hold themselves at a distance and wait for the right moment they feel that I will depend on my heart for something, or some aspect of my understanding.  In all of that, I need to remain in constant prayer and focus towards Father in everything.

It is all only an extended testing period.  That's all.  [I showed I had love for evil.  It is all a very stern and strong rebuke.  There are still many lessons to be learned.  Still a lot to tear down, a lot to build up, and out of it all, to be focused towards Father no matter what.  Father already knew what would come to possibly pass, and tried to warn me ahead of time so that I knew.  My heart, my shame, my very foundation of wrongful attitude...  It is interesting that it is what we love that we are given...if one truly loves death, that is what they will receive, because if they do not love Father, they certain love death.  Because Father, as Christ had said in John 14:6, Father is life]

There was a point in time that I had welcomed rebuke and discipline.  When I prayed for the demon to be removed, I was punished further for more transgression, because the attitude of welcoming rebuke and discipline wasn't being exemplified.  My attitudes seem to be at the core of the issues at hand.  My very heart's perspectives and way.  Not to say that all these things that are being built may not have to be torn back down if something evil was to be found amongst it all, but it would be better to destroy nearly completely and start over with little, than to continue inside a house that would cause my death when it collapses.  My goals should never have been and are not now to remove evil from myself.  That is all truly in Father's hands, as my protection is greatly obvious.  I would probably be dead and without air right now if Father wasn't protecting me from being strangled.

I should focus on the things that I should be doing, and focus on the things I can do, with a proper loving attitude, mature and serious minded, that is humbly loving towards Father.  What I cannot do, Father will help to take care of.  Every time I hear it, I need to block it off.  I also need to be sure that I am not straying off the narrow path by looking at things that will weaken me, getting into trains of thought that are not acceptable, and simply exemplifying the Way in every possible aspect that I know I am every bit capable of.  Father does not make Her servants immature or weak.  Thus, I should exercise each of those things properly, lovingly, and justly.  As is my duty, and more than that.  A true desire for Father.

I need to maintain what I have been taught, regardless of the stumbling blocks.

To note, demons can make a blip or sparkle of light, create "pleasant" feelings as well as painful ones.  Demons are not out of control or all powerful, though.  Staying in Father's protection and direction will help keep one safe in Father's full armor.  Whatever a demon says, don't even pay attention to it.  Lies need not be heeded.  However, there are consequences for deceit, which may be good depending on how the deceit is used, or bad.  All tools the holy side may use may be used by the evil side.

By the way, one of the other things evil seems to continually try to do is bring a person under some sort of control, and/or destroy them.  Evil can't really do anything but destroy.

There are certain constants that I must not allow myself to lose sight of.  The things Father has instantiated and made sure I understand I must not lose, no matter what evil may try to illude my understanding to believe.  Evil will try to overlap the Truth with their own lies and deceit, but Father's Light cannot be concealed by the darkness.  It doesn't even make any sense for dark shadows to be able to absorb the Light.  But if one allows something that shouldn't happen in Father's Creation to occur within oneself, they create an abomination out of themselves that does not belong in Father's Creation.  That much is true in that people are made in Father's image, and likewise, have the ability to create evil and sinful things within their own self.  In that way, they become more and more of an abomination on the outside as they are on the inside, until they transgress willfully, and they must be extinguished.  The process of sinful desire can be stopped, like a building that grows blight or mold or mildew on the inside.  This process was further explained in scripture, given in Father's Law as for what one should do in the case of this occurrence within one's dwelling.  If an evil continues to grow within their household, and the house continues to get cleaned out time and time again, the whole house will have to eventually be vacated and destroyed.  One should see to looking that up in scripture.  It can give oneself a good idea of how Father operates within Her own dwelling in one's own heart.  In fact, it is Leviticus 14:33-57.

If the mildew inside the house comes back after the whole house was replastered and everything, the whole house would have to go.  In that way, a new house would have to be built.  One must always be ready and willing to do any of these things.  It can be forgiven that one has mildew that grows in one's being, as by Father's Ransom Sacrifice through Her Son Christ Jesus, so the pattern of the Law given in the first part of the testament is not something that is to be followed as if one follows the Law, because the full Law cannot possibly be followed and one cannot be justified by it, however, there is still great wisdom and pattern for how Father takes action that one may learn by studying the Wisdom of Her Law.

This is the same with myself, that I am going through...but only one facet.  Simply put, shame and contempt for myself was used to build up humility, selflessness, seriousness and maturity.  The shame had to be removed, and all that glued those values to myself hence went as well.  I am now just about starting out from scratch, learning how to properly cultivate humility in a loving and true way; in a way that lasts forever and bears all burdens.  One must build up correctly.  At the same time, one must be prepared to have to start all over again, even if their house would be a mansion.  It would be better to vacate a house that is going to kill its inhabitants, tear it down and build something better in its place, than to stay in that house and eventually willfully sin against Father and die.

And so, I am, again, at a focus of how I should sleep properly.  Proper times, proper place...proper attitudes and proper motivation for sleeping.  It all has to be that way in Father's eyes.  To tell the Truth, I still have not yet discovered it.  It does not lie in a certain number of hours, it does not lie in the form I sleep, or anything of physical or fleeting nature.  It is all spiritual.  To tell the Truth, I know I don't actually need sleep.  I just get tired, tis all.  Father is capable of things we are truly incapable of, and one need not even eat anything.  They would literally just be sustained by Father's Spirit, if Father would have that.  All that is truly required is that one seriously and undoubtedly follows Father's Spirit, regardless of how horrible one may feel, or anything else of any nature.

To understand what a god is in Father's eyes, one can look to seeing how one follows Christ and Father in all they are and do.  One's god can be a reflection of themselves and their own values and treasure.  One's god can have multifaceted meaning, all of which correlates.  One's god can correlate with where their mind and heart are pointed to, and where they learn all their behavior.  They may receive commands from their god to act upon, which makes their god also their leader.  That is an unfortunate circumstance for those whose god is money or inanimate blocks of energy.  One's god can also be their protector, help to act on their behalf, or have their servant act on their god's behalf, of which, Father never leaves Her servants alone to act on their own, all alone.  This might bring more understanding to what occurs and what it means for Father to hide Her face from people.  If one loses sight of the principles they learned or had as a child, for one reason or another, it is as if losing the Wisdom Father places in one's heart at birth, such as the original ten commandments, including to not steal or murder.

Recovery seems stronger when the Truth is maintained and/or retrieved.

It is not all on one's own perspectives, as that may help share innocence in a matter, yet, it is really Father's perspective that matters most.

The planet is so filled with pestilent fornication and adultery that it cannot withstand.  It is dying.

To be ignorant or choose ignorance over Father's perspective on a thing or action would be a horrible misdemeanor.  I had eaten cereal for a while, even sunflower seeds of a certain brand, and eventually I was told to stay away from those things.  I had to listen, and with time, I came to realize why those things were told for me to stay away from.  The seeds, I don't know yet, but an idea is that the product is poisoned with formaldehyde or something to help keep the seeds preserved over time.  One should seek the Truth and Father's Light on all things, rather than just jump into something or other.

One thing that would definitely help in anything one is not sure on is prayer.  Always pray, not relying on just one's own heart or mind, but pray about everything.  In this, one is relying on Father and consulting Father.  Any strange or out of the ordinary circumstance must be prayed about so as to not be snared, trapped, or deceived.  Recall Joshua 9.

Maintain what has been taught.  Ponder everything...  Stand up for what is right.

Evil can mimic feelings of happiness and fulfillment in one's heart.

One should pay attention to all patterns going on around oneself.  They hold key insight to unlocking more knowledge that may lead to Wisdom.

Dreams can be utilized by Father Yahweh and Satan, and can be used for or against anyone; to achieve different things either side may have.

What evil does and continues to try to do is obscure the Truth, but Father Yahweh always wins over all.

Evil will try to obscure the Truth so if one does find theirselves in Father's protection once more, they may not recognize the difference.  Not being able to do so may cause them to be rebellious to Father, and/or make it more easy for them to lose balance and concentration and focus, so as to fall off Father's narrow path once more.

Test all things, keep what is good.  [1 Thessalonians 5:21]

The same physical feelings one may receive from Father can be mimicked by evil.  From the painful to the fulfilling.

The knowledge one has creates a responsibility of its own.  Understanding, the same, and in all that included are the aspects and repercussions of that knowledge and understanding.  Coming to understand that the symbolism in real life is not much different than that of the Spirit Realm, and hence, also the symbolism of one's dreams, one must also come to understand that they are then more responsible for their own actions in their dreams.  And at that, their very own heart is impacted by their dreams, especially those thought/dream injections that are accepted, whether one realizes it or not.  Though, this is no different than one without this understanding.  In that way, one is totally responsible for all they are given, whether they see the ramifications or not.

Just as a child may fall victim to an adult lion, so are we.

We shouldn't try to rush our growth, just as we can't speed up the process of our agin.  In this, we are truly still dependent on Father, and lovingly so.  Perhaps that is partially why a so-called "value" of independence is against Father's Way.

At the same time, we shouldn't pause and stop our growth when we can, so we can continually produce all good fruits in their season.

Trying to be watchful for the next snare that may be laid is going to take some work.

If there is ever a point where Father's insight and Wisdom stops coming and being shared flowingly, I have certainly stepped off the narrow path.  However, that, in itself, might be something used against oneself to be used by the enemy to create a false security.

Something my mom continues to make note of is how long it takes for her to prepare food, and how quickly it is consumed.  Thinking of this, consider how long it took for the food to even be made ready to get from the store, and then how all that energy is a part of an even larger cycle.  Then one might consider how Father is capable of such immense feats of energy, to continually produce from the ground up for Her children.  It seems impossible to not make mistakes.  Perhaps that is part of how there truly is a time and place for literally everything Father has placed in Creation.

I shouldn't take a good gift and throw it away.  I should exercise extreme precaution, though, because of the potential abuse of the said gift.

Even if a good gift were left unused, it may not stop evil from laying a snare otherwise.  In fact, it would probably be seen that evil utilizes what one does not know, expect, or can see so as to maintain or try to retail, control.

Pray constantly.  And pray about everything.

Somehow when I prayed, evil was able to respond to my prayer.  In this, like having a conversation...

The songs stuck in one's head may not be their own self, but someone else singing it in their mind.  That might become a key in whether one is actually susceptible or not to thought injections.  The more thought injections I can't stop from reaching my heart that come from evil, the less defense I seem to have against being molested.  That means that even in one's sleep, there may be no rest.

I should only fall asleep if I am tired, and I should wake up the first time I wake up, whether by alarm or otherwise.

Perhaps my weakness in sleeping is part of the reason I was given a message not to be sleeping like I have been.

Any humility one has cannot compare and to make comparisons of that nature is sinful.

I should not base my or any quantity of any attitude on a quantity or scale, but only give all that I can at any time.  I must not try to weigh or measure or evaluate how much I am giving, but rather, only ever be giving everything I can at any given time.

1 Corinthians 4:3-4, Jeremiah 12:5

I need to lose this perspective of looking at myself and evaluating myself and weighing myself and constantly having shame for not being able to measure up and/or not ever being able to measure up because I never will, those aren't the points.  I shouldn't stop to look back, but only ever doing my best at every given moment.  Luke 9:62

I should look forward, and by looking forward, continue to cultivate and grow anything as it is time for.  If I see that there are plans available to cultivate proper humility, I should go do so.  I should not go back or look back to see how much humility has already been cultivated.

Correct instillation of correct attitudes will take time.

Do not look down on myself with shame or try to evaluate myself, as those attitudes are not good.  Period.  They breed a multitude of bad habits and attitudes that need not be explained because the very attitudes, themselves, are not proper.  Nor good.

Do not look back and say what could have been done better to try to determine what better can be done in the future of a similar instance because 1) one may never find themselves under the same conditions to repeat that situation in a better way, and 2) they will miss the point of trying to continually do better at everything they do, which is not in trying to tweak one's actions on the outside, but rather, on the focus of performing and growing more and more like Father at every moment.

One's past does not make oneself who they are.  Father does.  And out of Father, is Father's gift of Free Will.

One shouldn't target practice for a particular score, because archery/marksmanship is not based on only the accuracy of one's shot.  Form, attitude, state of mind, concentration, anything and everything, goes into the art, and this same concept is mirrored in following Father's Way.  One must not look back at their previous scores in the attempt to beat them or in shame.  One shouldn't look back at all.  The point isn't in the attempt to beat one's previous state, or beat another's, as that would be competitive and defeat the whole point of why one would be doing anything at all.  Could one possibly ever outrun Father?  Such a state of mind would lead oneself into trying to compete with their own Creator, and there is no love in such an attitude.  Thus, one must give up their past, not look back, and/or even try to take up their cross because of regret or shame, but out of love for Father, Christ, and all of positive Creation.

The point isn't in trying to make a score because one just can't possibly make the mark.  The point is in continually developing the love and instillation and growth of Father's Way in one's heart, with complete faith and hope, obedience and loyalty to Father in all that Father has promised and commanded.

Matthew 9:13 and 12:7

In this way, looking back is to sacrifice.

And it's all these things used against us that we do not know.  But it isn't knowledge that saves, and it is Father, Herself, Who has made the choices and decisions.  In that very instance we can have hope and faith, love, loyalty, and obedience in everything.

Ezekiel 20:48

This is no different for anyone else.

In order to grow good fruits, sometimes you have to clear a weeded area, first, and one must not consider the weeds as valuable, or the weeds will take up the land and one will not bear fruit.

Father has made Her decision and has put Her mind to something.  It will not be stopped or extinguished.

I can't just sit somewhere and meditate on cultivating positivity.  I can't sit somewhere and plan out the growth of those good attitudes, as the plans are truly in Father's hands.

Knowledge helps to start a huge process.  The beginning of Wisdom is the fear of God.  Thus, one must come to understand that God exists, and know who Yahweh is.  If all the people will come to know who Yahweh is, and they understand this, but do not have the Wisdom placed there by Father, then they will be held to that knowledge.

If one conserves their strength out of fear they will have none; they will find themselves lacking.

Feasting for strength, not for laughter.  Quite a concept.  How does one feast, then?  [Ecclesiastes 10:17 and 10:19]

Putting the Great Jigsaw together could become putting gigantic pieces together all the while keeping the smaller parts also continually getting pieced, which would require a brain capable of super multitasking and nearly unlimited memorization.  Imagine the refinement yet continual expansion taking place all at once.  And these aren't just numbers and letters, but whole concepts that could continually take numbers and letters just to mathematically explain.

What is a god?  [Something to look up for better clarification and insight to Isaiah 44:17-18]

There is a time to consider something lost, and not try to keep reaching for it [Ecclesiastes 2:6].  It feels bad, and out of that, one should move forward and grow to be able to not lose anything further.

Anything an evil spirit can do to a person can also be done by a spirit on Father's holy side.  But, not everything a spirit on Father's holy side can be done by an evil spirit.  Being able to determine the difference between who is doing what to oneself can be...difficult at first, but it's something that one must learn under Father's guidance, which comes in Her Spirit, and all Her gifts and guidance.

Father's Law really seems like the bottom line, but I want to excel.

It is by faith that we are saved, but faith without works is dead.

It is by Father's grace that Christ was raised.  Thus, by following in Christ's footsteps, we may also have that same hope.  We are therefore joined in His likeness in all that can be, not just by a pattern or system, but also by self motivation and perseverance; (some word I think starts with an "a"...it is... to seek to take the step forward to accomplish something, rather than just sit back and watch it run on its own) aspiring to be like Him.

The Law was nailed to the cross.  Hopefully that will help me to remember.

Something I have noticed in my own heart is that when I allow the wrong thought to come to mind, it will irk my heart and cause me such pain.  Sometimes I cannot help it, and it gets to me, but I am not sure all that I can do.  Yet, it should be remembered that any rebellious words are poisonous and must not be ingested.  The wrong trains of thought must not be allowed to even get started.  They do influence one's heart.  That provides a problem in one's dreams because what happens in one's dreams, and what oneself does, can poison one's heart even whilst they are asleep.  In that, it is important to seek Father's protection in everything, and especially direction and guidance.  All Her Light, not just what one seeks to see.

Hope, itself, is a desire.  Trying to resolve a desire with desires may not work out.

Fulfilled desire is a tree of life.  If the desire goes unfulfilled, their heart will deteriorate.  The only way to resolve this is for the plant to stop being parasitic...  which is via removal.  Only problem is that it is the removal of something that is supposed to produce something good.  It literally cuts off the increased yield a person should be able to offer.  Only problem is in what one would be able to produce given what we have now.

It is difficult living in this current form, of being sinful in nature.

Love for Father to not continue to be sinful, hope for a time when one will not continue in the same way things are, and also Father's forgiveness which causes me to yearn even more to do good things for Her, those things help drive me forward.

What good can self destruction do for Father?

Abstaining from desire will not stop the heartsickness from occurring.  Nor will despair, nor trying to numb out the pain.  Only something that only Father seems capable of works, so one should put their hope in Father and pray and endure what comes.  I know Father has total control of the heart and is capable of anything.

Training wheels are removed as the strength to drive without them is proven.  [At the same time, training wheels are removed when a person can also benefit even further without them, and also much before the time when the training wheels become a hindrance, rather than a protection]

Not all things need to be immediately taken before Father, as there are things we should inherently see and have learned that aren't right.

Those things that are too difficult, we bring to Father.  Deuteronomy 1:17 -smile-  What is really great is in combining this with another scripture, Exodus 18:22 -- They should judge the people at all times. Then they can bring you every important case but judge every minor case themselves. In this way you will lighten your load, and they will bear [it] with you.

In this sense, we are then allowed to help carry a burden that Father also carries.  It's the same as being able to work side-by-side with Father.


Giving without expectation of receiving can purchase things money can't buy.

When one prays for deliverance, there may be a slight period of refinement beforehand.  That way, Father may pull a diamond from the rough.  Or perhaps gold out of the wasted metals.  This, in turn, will cause one to be stronger, and as mentioned above, it may even lead one into a new stage in their development.

The happiest times seem spent studying Father's Word and growing in Her Wisdom.

Every other time is in working for and towards Father.

It doesn't seem like a good thing to go to work and be thinking about what one would like to do once they get off of work.  On one hand, that may make the work unbearable because one begins to yearn for something else, rather than what they have at hand.  At the core of it, though, it is like putting one's mind ahead of what they need to be doing at the current time.  Perhaps looking forward to something isn't a problem, just as we as Christ's followers look forward to the Millennium rule.  Taking away from one's current work because one's mind is set on something else is another situation all together.

Looking forward to fleshly and fleeting things is never a good thing.

Learning lessons is a continuous learning process.  Some a learned with difficulty, others before something difficult does come about.

1 Corinthians 6:12 -- "Everything is permissible for me," but not everything is helpful. "Everything is permissible for me," but I will not be brought under the control of anything.

Being freed from being controlled under anything is truly a gift from Father.

John 14:26 (the translation online is a bit skewed because of software)

I have held onto the belief that Father will indefinitely remind me of the things I need to remember.  Much more, Father has continued to teach and guide me in all the things that have been provided.

A long while ago, I learned an important lesson about desire, in that I should not ever allow my desire to go towards fleshly things.  This involved food.  One day, I had started trying to contemplate what it was that the body required in order to have the nutrients it was seeking.  I had pondered it quite a bit, and the whole concept had gone out of proportion.  In fact, even starting to ponder that sort of fleeting thing was a sin.  I learned to stay away from such thinking, and that such pondering was not acceptable.  I tried to share that with others, but I was...told that I was wrong about what I was thinking.  A long time ago, back in High School, before I even came to know about Father's Ministry, I was told that certain thoughts and desires were okay and were just natural.  I don't think I have a right to be upset, but I still feel a bit angry...  Perhaps it was more in my lack of ability to even express myself...  Even now it seems a bit difficult to actually express what it is on my mind and in my heart.

The point of the problem wasn't ever the feeling or the desire, but its influential capacity it had on me.  I had no control over how certain desires would effect me, in what I would think when certain things were seen, or how something would cull me into certain activities or patterns of thought.  It was literally being in prison to my own heart.  I can stand not eating and abstain from food for days at a time, even in the midst of being in a restaurant and perhaps even being ordered for.  What I didn't like was how the desire would direct my mind in a certain way that I couldn't stop.  If I were told that that sort of lack of control is okay, now, I think I'd cut the conversation off right there.  That sort of lack of control sounds...the word that comes to mind is sociopathic.  Thank Father, so much.

An interesting pattern I have seen in myself is that when I am tormented, I seek the cause or root of the reason behind my torment.  Understanding the problem helps to handle it, such as a heartsickness, but it doesn't actually ever solve the problem.  To tell the truth, I still have not found any solutions, outside of prayer towards Father, and doing anything and everything to control oneself.  Things in one's heart truly cannot be molded out of one's own action.  The most interesting part was that when those things that were tormenting my heart were finally gone, I wondered if I ever needed them to begin with.  A couple times, I have even just sort of jumped right to thinking that I don't need them, and it doesn't matter.  If the desire never needed to be satisfied, why then did I ever satisfy it?  If all that is necessary is food and sleep and work to keep the body going, then that is what I felt was all I needed.  Yet, apparently, the heart requires so much more to keep going.  But each time some part of the heart was cut off, or turned off, I would ponder why it was even active, or even if it is a necessary part.

Funny thing is that even laughter can be turned off in one's heart, amongst tons of other emotions and desires.  A desire to be partnered was turned off for a very short period of time at one point.  It was turned back on.  Desires in many other respects all have been turned off, including the seeking of entertainment or playing video games.  All turned off.  Perhaps something that does upset Father Yahweh is to have any part of one's heart turned off, because it is literally a turning off of one's full capacity.  It's like Father didn't give us something for us not to use it properly, or for us to become tormented by it.

And interestingly enough, only at horrible extremes has any part of my heart been turned off.  One part being...one thing, of which I still have not allowed to grow, and thankfully has not, but because I did not exert enough self control at certain points, it had to be put down.  This other part was in seeking comfort, entertainment, or the like, which caused me to become so heartsick that I was literally impaired in different parts.  That had to be turned off, as well, or it would have only created further destruction and deterioration.  It was like a sinking ship, and certain parts needed to be closed off for the greater good.  Some parts are still alive, but only because they can be purely fulfilled, rather than allowing any part of this world to suffocate the senses that Father has provided.

To this moment, though, I recall having been concerned, as well, that the lesson about not being controlled by fleshly desire would be...undone, and that there were still other fleshly desires that needed to be rooted out, but I couldn't find them, and nor was I shown that I should go on a snipe hunt to do so.  That concern definitely showed itself to be...something that did come to pass.  I don't ever want to repeat mistakes that have already been made, but...even that may come to pass again if I am not vigilant.  Yet, even a small bug can slip passed one's watch, which would be a greater detriment.

I don't want to live this life and build upon the regret of what I have done blindly.  Much more, I don't want to live blindly, ignorantly, or asleep.  It is already difficult for a person to sleep when it is already sunrise, trying to fight the Truth of Father's Light would be just like the futile fight that evil continues to wage.  Yet, regardless of the futility, my desire isn't for the darkness, but for the Light, and regardless of the conflict and war that may continue to wage inside my heart because of conflicting desire, I cannot and will not allow the things of the flesh to influence me to act upon them.

The heart is deceitful, so even the desires one has may not actually be pointing one in a direction they might think they are.  Father can save oneself even from their own self.  So long as anything hasn't gone too far, but it doesn't mean that the rescue will be...pleasant for Father.  If one accidentally cultivates the wrong things out of mistakes they did not intend for, but has not allowed themselves to willfully sin out of those mistakes, there seem to still be hope.  It won't be easy for the one whom makes those mistakes, though.

Something I found that was following a pattern that has continued before was in how I had to let go of certain things in order for Father to be able to start healing, or to be able to take action.  At the same time, I had to learn certain lessons before the discipline was over, so that the lessons might be instilled and keep me from walking into any further traps or walking off the narrow path.  Not only learn, but understand, and cultivate Wisdom in light of the discipline.

I hope I don't ever lose this key again.  It is not in indulging in fleshly desire, or trying to figure out how to fulfill any desire.  It is not in the total abstinence from desire, either.  It's in fulfilling Father's Will no matter what one desires.  There is an appropriate way to fulfill any desire Father shares with one's heart, but the world does not have it.  If one burns with desire but Father's Wisdom has shown no solution exists within or around oneself, they must patiently wait for Father's rescue, even amongst all their pain.  It is not okay to ignore the advice Father has provided in turn for appeasing one's own desires.  Things may seem okay, but even while a person is asleep, things may seem okay.  One will either serve Father wholly, or be torn and in consistent conflict between serving Father, and the world.  Or, they will serve the world wholly.  The world cannot save even itself, but Father does have that ability.

Father is, was, always will be righteous in all He does.  There was anger towards me because my actions had created months of pain on others, and wouldn't have occurred if I had maintained the advice He had provided to begin with.  Much less, I created such pain even to myself by cultivating something that couldn't just be uprooted, and further stirred up things that could have been left down if I had maintained Father's Wisdom.  Father had to take action to stop the pain from continuing or things would have continued to deteriorate down the wrong way.  I had truly taken the gifts He had provided and did wrongly with them, and only allowed myself to become unnecessarily tormented by them, if I had not taken what was given and used it incorrectly.  I was told to be prepared to utilize them in the proper way when the time comes.  Father did have to step in to take away things I should not have been getting involved with.  Just as one shouldn't stir up or awaken love until the appropriate time, it seems that that same thing exists in other aspects of oneself, and in that way, can show how love may include so many more things than possibly might be imagined.

The advice provided at 1 Corinthians 7 can be applied to many other parts of one's life, not just marriage, but any parallels marriage may have.  I am not sure how many or what other parallels there are, but entertainment, video games and the like seem to have a similar stance, in being torn between pleasing Father and allowing part of one's heart to not be engaged in complete heartsickness.

I do not always understand everything at first, but it is important to maintain what Father has shared and continue to ponder it until understanding does come.  [waiting at Wisdom's doorstep]

In a way, I divorced myself from parts of my own heart.  The indulgence in the electronic entertainment was largely able to control my heart, and was largely promiscuous at the same time.

It is not good to seek satisfaction from the world, as one will always be found wanting.  A recollection of Paul's talk about control, 1 Corinthians 6:12-17

Something interesting about the Law concerning allowing a tree to grow and mature, it's first seasons and such of its fruits being untouched.  This same Law can be applied with Wisdom to other aspects of oneself and that which is around themselves.

One shouldn't become distracted by entertainment or appreciation of the eyes.

Laughter can be like a release valve after pressure has been built up too high.

Beauty, itself, is multifaceted.  If one part lacks, it all goes down.

Even to this moment Father is still refining Her accuracy.

Things might start seeming strange when you've separated yourself from them.

Perhaps now there are more things using up oxygen than making it.

Nothing is a coincidence.  I started on a wrong train of thought, and there became three different skin wounds on my pinky...  Interesting enough, it feels like I already wrote this...  The first two skin wounds were just removed layers of skin, the third, which is closest to my hand, was deep enough to bleed a bit.  It was also the only one that kept skin to try to heal over the wound.  Symbolism?  Not totally sure, but the pinky, although it may not seem to be very important as the smallest finger on the hand, it is very important in the coordination and usage, especially in typing and other activities.  The bleeding and the three different scrapes to remove skin in three different places, signifies the wound created in Unity with Father and Christ, given the train of thought I started to allow myself to get into.  The bleeding is the wound created, the loss of a bit of life.  It is no coincidence.  And I certainly cannot be ignorant of it.  Idle thinking and going on wrongful trains of thought truly are not acceptable behaviors.  A few times I have even bumped my head against things when I get on wrong trains of thought, or allow certain thoughts to continue that shouldn't.  All symbolic.  The "fine line" between what one might dream and what occurs in their real life isn't actually very fine, if at all existent.

Laughter is a physical expression of an emotional feeling.  That feeling is triggered by...something that causes one to be humored, or a quantity of many things.  This can be due to an impure attitude, or perhaps a pure attitude.  The things that each individual find humoring might vary based on a ton of factors.  If each part is in place correctly and everything lines up, it helps to maintain a balance in a larger scale.  If one doesn't laugh at any given point that maybe it should have been done, that can create giant rifts that may have a large impact if left unchecked.  The same if one does laugh.  Laughter can also compound onto laughter.  Two people can laugh at the same thing for two completely different reasons.  The way a person laughs is influenced by many factors that may not actually be totally easy to recognize or understand.  Laughter has its time and place.  It must not be abused.

Ezekiel 9:3-6 -- Then the glory of the God of Israel rose from above the cherubim where it had been, to the threshold of the temple. He called to the man clothed in linen with the writing equipment at his side. "Pass throughout the city of Jerusalem," the LORD said to him, "and put a mark on the foreheads of the men who sigh and groan over all the abominations committed in it."   To the others He said in my hearing, "Pass through the city after him and start killing; do not show pity or spare [them]!  Slaughter the old men, the young men and women, as well as the [older] women and little children, but do not come near anyone who has the mark.  Now begin at My sanctuary."  So they began with the elders who were in front of the temple.

Ecclesiastes 3:15 --  Whatever is, has already been, and whatever will be, already is. God repeats what has passed.

Every emotional reaction is quite something.  It is interesting that a heart of stone can still feel.  Perhaps the difference is in who the heart is hard against.  A person can't really discipline a rock.

Time and place for all things.  Perhaps now is not the time for the fulfillment of certain desires.  As that is the case, one must get prepared and be prepared for the difficult path that lie ahead because of that.  Regardless of what the heart desires, one's desire for Father must prevail.  That being, even cultivating a spirit of joy in the midst of possible sorrow and hardship due to heartsickness.

Strength may not lie in resisting the pain that ensues, but rather, in the acknowledgment of it, and the courage and conviction to keep moving forward.  Not in ignorance, but in full embodiment of the Truth of what really is.  It reminds me of what was once told about two different types of people, and what happens to the two different types when they must kill because of self defense or other.  The first type is the type that only becomes numb to killing, and each time it gets easier and easier, which is probably a horrible reaction.  The second type of person will feel bad about what has occurred, but keeps moving forward.

There was an interesting concept that came to mind about...children.  At least in parenting them.  The idea is that perhaps softer, kinder children do not require the same immensely strict discipline that more rough and difficult children may require.  For a long while, I had thought that discipline should always be strict and firm.  Yet, on the other side of things, it would seem that perhaps children can be warned ahead of time when they are going in the wrong direction, and then continually taught.  Perhaps a combination of those two would be best, especially given the child and the situation.  It's like a spectrum of sorts...  There have been teachings that there are two opposite sides to things...  Polar opposites...  Yet, with male and female, there seems to be a balance between the two to help correlate everything together.  Male or female doesn't seem to be able to be linked with "right" or "wrong," but rather, all in existence that Father had originally intended works well.

Pain may not be the focus, but only the consequence.  If one seeks the Truth, they don't look around, they go straight to the Source.  We reap what we sow.  All things balance out as they should.

There is an attitude that I have that seems to strongly be right in line with having humility.  That is that when something happens to me, especially painful, that I go straight to "I deserve this," rather than ever ask, "why me?"  This goes in line with the following:

Matthew 5:39 -- But I tell you, don't resist an evildoer. On the contrary, if anyone slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also.

It also goes further than just, "I deserve this."  It is also along the lines of, "I will receive this and not resist it."  There are some things, it seems, that one should defend oneself in, though, such as murder.  Yet, even Christ allowed Himself to be subjected to murder.  This, in itself, seems to be something deeply integrated into following Father's Spirit.

Something that one must be very careful to not do is uproot or remove to examine or quarantine something that is actually good that Father had planted already.  One must remember what was planted, and also look towards Father for guidance as to what one should examine, if at all.  I had caused myself to suffer a bit because I had, essentially, rejected a gift from Father by cross-examining something that was obviously provided in a revelation of wisdom.

One should also not seek to punish themselves into being humble, or push themselves further into humility.  One should allow Father to place that fruit in one's heart, rather than trying to force it, or their efforts might actually prove, well, fruitless.  At the same time, one must not allow anything such as pride to grow where humility should grow.  The wrong plants being grown where the right plants should be is a horrible misdemeanor against the One who owns one's heart.  It would be even worse to be happy about that.  That...is something that may take self reflection to see.

One of the things that I seem to be consistently rebuked about is in taking something good, and cross-examining it and keeping it at arms length, even though I can easily tell that it is okay and good.  I have taken desires and pushed them away, desires that are good, rather than doing what I can to possibly cultivate them further.  There is probably a way to stop doing that...

It also seems that there is truly a proper, decent, and good practice to put all things that are good to work.  The only problem is the timing and the place.  All restrictions apply and one must be willing to walk within those restrictions.  It all is truly a learning process.

The proper application of all gifts that Father has provided will be able to be further learned and properly cultivated in the time to come.  Something to really look forward to.

Sometimes it's nice to stop, and chill.

Not all thoughts need be expressed in words.  Idle talk and thoughts that do not produce any fruit are not any good.  They take up space and energy for nothing.

Each time something insightful is viewed, it seems something more is revealed.

One shouldn't be afraid of needing help from another.

In a way, perhaps keeping the weeds out so at least the land is ready for good produce is like maintaining chastity till it is time.  The problem I face is the heartsickness due to the emptiness that there is.  If it weren't open, it wouldn't be pained, but...even from birth many things are open.  Can't just try to put a hedge or tourniquet on those areas, though, because the areas must be kept up with so nothing does incorrectly grow and the soil is maintained, however one may do that.

All details seem to correlate and support the other, that is, that which is Truth.

Father wouldn't ever want us to submit to despair.  The difficult part is seeming to be fighting just for nothing to be there.  The reward is that there is nothing, but also endurance and such.

[From what has been seen] There are two ways desire can be used against oneself for control: 1) the satisfaction of it in the wrong way, 2) the starvation of the heart to cause it to go into pain which can still control to a degree.  If a person is controlled by their desires to any degree, the first will enslave them, and the 2) will do the same because their spirit is broken.  Regardless of the pain and/or cull of desire, one must conquer it.  One should still recognize the signs their heart is giving.  To understand why helps to further continue to grow good fruits, like endurance and long-suffering.

A single hand gesture means a lot.

Need to be very careful.  And diligent.  Need to chill, stay cool, focus towards Father.

By maintaining the Way in one's mind, they may be better prepared and apt to fend off the weeds that may grow in what almost seems a spontaneous manner.  There must be a pattern or way that the weeds come about.  If that is discovered, perhaps there will be found a further method of stopping the weeds from ever getting into the heart without having to close the heart off.

One shouldn't be afraid of needing help from another.  I have learned that dependence is actually a part of how things pretty much work...especially a dependence on Father.  One the difficulties I currently am finding myself in is in not wanting to receive any healing for wounds that I cannot heal on my own.  The concept or idea is in being in battle and receiving a wound.  I would rather perform the first aid, take care of what needs to be taken care of, and be more concerned about my comrades.  Or perhaps finishing anything that needs to be taken care of.  Heh, I'd imagine if I were one of those guys that lost a leg, I'd just ask for a bandage and see what I could do next...  Perhaps get to training on utilizing a prosthetic leg as soon as possible, let sleep be my rest.  This is just to give an idea as to this sort of mentality, by the way.

I am not sure the exact wisdom in that sort of attitude.  I have continually received aid and even been let known that I am receiving it, but when I realize it, at first, I would get the idea that I...must have gone wrong somewhere such that I am then in need of aid.  It doesn't seem a person should beat themselves up over getting beaten up in areas that they are not able to do much of anything else about...  Yet, even pondering what could have done better...such that one is not further in a weakened state in another instance where it may occur...  I am not totally sure about that mentality.  Seeking improvement and increasing the efficiency and effectiveness of one's capabilities is one thing...  I am not sure where exactly that line is drawn, though, because ... I am not totally sure when and if there need be certain limits placed here and there.  There is certainly a balance.

One should seek to improve.  One shouldn't be ashamed to receive help.  One shouldn't think themselves as evil, lacking, or wrong because of a wound they are inflicted with even though they had been trying their best the whole time.  By trying not to be "the weakest link," one may find themselves actually making themselves be that way.

It seems that when one thing is weeded out of the heart, either more things pop up, or the possibility for more weeds to grow emerges.  I am not sure whether the weeds were there to begin with, or that something more came about that is an unfortunate circumstance.  Something interesting that was read about a long while ago about chakras was that in sexual abstinence (please don't take this as encouragement to be promiscuous), an individual would be led towards perversions of their sexuality, including pedophilia.  This was written a bit before the whole Catholic child abuse problems all arose.  There are a whole bunch of teachings in this area, but...definitely depend on scripture for the focal points of wisdom.  I just did a bit of a search that helped to solidify the concept of what was already written, and then it also spoke about how certain acts are...able to be freely practiced without guilt.  Take that as you will, but to tell the truth, it's just wrong.

In any case, this makes me wonder just a bit...  If there is a part of a person that does seek or need some amount of entertainment.  Games, plays, movies, etc.  Not sure at all.  Yet, again, I feel that surge of pain because I am feeling like I am abstaining from something I shouldn't be.  What was interesting that I found was that when I seemed to abstain or try to control one part of myself, I started finding myself laughing at things that were actually a bit...obnoxious and not really funny to laugh at.  It was easier to laugh at the wrong things.  After coming to see that, it's not been such a problem...  Yet, I am now finding myself abstaining from...movies, games, entertainment of what may seem like all varieties.  It's not even that I want it, either.  I don't have almost any care for watching television, going and seeing plays or movies, listening to music or anything...and that's the strange part.  Yet, now here I see myself being tempted towards taking actions or doing futile things that aren't helpful to any degree, but may even be destructive.

There are some things that I am still really trying to understand, such as:

Ecclesiastes 7:16 -- Don't be excessively righteous, and don't be overly wise. Why should you destroy yourself?

If it is true that certain parts of a person do need to be helped or they risk becoming corrupted, kind of like fertile soil that isn't utilized to grow good things so that bad things can't find their way there, then we've got some serious issues.  If the way this world has been setup has been to take advantage of those parts of a person and only offer wrongful ways of satisfying them, or even creating half-truths that will partially satisfy but not fully, then that helps oneself to be much more ready to leave it all behind.  Yet, on the other hand, those of us in the physical realm currently in the state of being on the planet, just not of the world, will find ourselves in one of two situations.  The first is like what I am starting to experience, where the abstinence from even forms of entertainment create opportunities for corruption to surge and continuously provide inner conflict that...although can be survived, still isn't anything that is pleasant.  Conflict and war aren't things that should be a part of one's being to be healthy.  Then the other situation is where one does take that which may not totally be okay, and still utilizes it to help try to satisfy what is required in one's being to somehow survive.  Their life is not as difficult, to a degree, but...they are still poisoned because of it.  Poisoned if one does, poisoned if one doesn't.  That is truly sad.

This may be why there just simply isn't any true happiness on this planet, in this current world.  There just can't be with war and conflict and, and some degree, famine.

Another interesting observation is in the physical habits a person has.  Whether it be in tapping on things, clicking a pen while thinking, rubbing the chin, or maybe just a number of other things.  A person can't seemingly be comforted without that physical expression, and if that physical expression is resisted, the same thing as diminishing or holding back a desire occurs.  If it's a bad physical habit that one doesn't want, such as...well...perhaps that should just be thought of on one's own because that can vary widely from person to person, then simply resisting it isn't the answer, because it can just get worse, along with this piece of information:

Proverbs 13:12 -- Delayed hope makes the heart sick, but fulfilled desire is a tree of life.

Interesting.  Didn't consider that perhaps hope and desire are strongly interrelated in some way.  Hope's definition is interesting, in that some of the definitions utilize the word, "desire."  Hmm.

So, the price for purity, or even trying to maintain it to some degree is having a sick heart, and even the continual conflict one will find themselves in as corruption may continue to emerge because a desire is not being satisfied by anything that would truly and deeply satisfy it seven-fold.  Heh, in that way, the purity, in that sense, might not be a purity, because purity would also imply a lack of illness, or that which would impurify and create sickness.  Thus...again, purity couldn't be obtained via abstaining from the things that would actually truly and purely satisfy the desire.  Heh, this is...actually...almost making me laugh.  Madness, to a degree.  Then, at that, just simply...there cannot be any true happiness around the world because of this...madness.  To put this further, it is almost no wonder that a person would seek more and more after their desire was sort of indulged or satisfied to some degree, because anything the world provides to help satisfy a desire is never enough.  Kind of like being given partial appetizers but never anything that is truly filling.  Or totally healthful on all degrees.

So, if it is true that a person does need...entertainment, but the only entertainment out there is tainted by lies and half-truths, a person that needs entertainment is left in a bind of either being impure due to what they must engage in in order to not have such a sick heart, or to have a fully sick heart with the possibility of further corruption taking place, and/or just continually being in conflict because the corruption cannot possibly die off.  Unless...unless they do something horrifying, like...cutting out their own heart or accepting such numbing pain that might possibly defeat all their emotions and leave them scarred and almost catatonic and robot-like, feeling little, saying little, doing little.  The silly thing is...when I had played video games so much, just to satisfy that part of myself, I found myself blinded and gullible.  That being cut out and being more and fully focused towards Father, I find so much more time to not only reflect, but also the ability to reflect deeply.  And even being given the insight and more.  I'd rather have this, though.  I cannot imagine how much I'd really advise not submitting to worldly things to satisfy inner desires that cannot be helped.  Just to survive isn't the reason.

It is kind of an interesting thing that Christ had told us that anyone who doesn't take up their own cross and follow Christ is not worthy of Him.

Matthew 10:38 -- And whoever doesn't take up his cross and follow Me is not worthy of Me.

It's not supposed to be a walk in the park.  I recall thinking that this meant that life isn't about survival, but about utilizing the life for something meaningful.  I don't know about anyone else, at all, but for what all that has been shown to me, my path does not lead in the survival and semi-satisfied desires just to be able to get by on a daily basis.  The path that I have been shown to walk is to deny all of the world's solutions to satisfy any desire that my heart has, and if that means that my heart must be sick for the time being, so be it.  Pure and true solutions to the desires will be found in their own time.  Daniel suffered three weeks in mourning till an angel from Father came to him with the understanding Daniel sought, as well as the comfort.  Time isn't of concern.  Father has been holding out on Her own pain for what seems like a little more than six thousand years, which can be like six days, or like...well...if one day can be like a thousand years to Father, then...365,000 years x 6 = 2, 190, 000 years.  That's quite a long time to hold the patience of the first sin.  Father is quite amazing in what She is capable of.  Hopefully by exercising the endurance and long suffering in the heart, maybe it'll get stronger.

Doing whatever a person can for whatever they can do, and leaving the rest to Father, does still seem like the best solution.  Just giving up and submitting to the pain that the heart feelings out of its sickness would be to surrender to despair, and that is not the Spirit Father has provided.  What's strange, though, is that the only motivation I have to satisfy any desire is only that I am not pained or heartsick from it.  I...actually do feel like I could live without entertainment and music for...any length of time that I am alive until I am told otherwise.  Of course, the pain in the heart could be like getting told otherwise.

It's interesting what I have been told about the human body not being able to survive in a sterile environment.

Also something else to note.  By allowing myself to be satisfied by solutions that the world provides, to any degree, I have only found myself wavering in my own walk towards Father.  I found wisdom much more difficult to come by, found myself almost seemingly drifting away from the very ministry I am dedicated to.  I know Father satisfies all desires, ... I shouldn't take the stance that the desires don't matter if Father doesn't satisfy them.  All in its time and place.  There truly just cannot be any compromise in my heart in my dedication to Father.  If corruption should arise, it will be quarantined and exterminated as it must be.  I don't totally understand some things, though.

Further Ponderances

Ecclesiastes 2:2 -- I said about laughter, "It is madness," and about pleasure, "What does this accomplish?"

Laughter...  Still trying to understand what it exactly is...  It's difficult to try to even understand laughter if it is madness, because normal logic and reasoning wouldn't be able to apply to coming to understand something that defies it.

As well, something that I have been wrestling with that I haven't had a good understanding for what it was is this: when is it okay for a desire to be satisfied?  When does a desire need to be satisfied?

At the current moment, I am still at...odds with things...  For instance, when I am hungry, when is it okay to eat?  Should I just eat because I get hungry, or should I eat at specific times?  When should I hold out, and for how long?  Why would one hold out on their desire to eat, when their body asks for it, or gives the signs and signals that it requires further sustenance to continue going nominally.  It is obvious that when a person finally can't move or is too weak to do certain things that perhaps the limit for needing to eat something has been...surpassed...but...when does it become a requirement for a person to eat?  Does one eat right when they are hungry?  Perhaps not, especially given any situations that they may be encountering at a given time.  For instance, if they are about to eat in a little while, anyway.  How about if a person is hungry and it is usually about that time to eat, but there isn't actually a necessity to eat, either?  Well, this is all on fleshly things, anyway.  The core of the question is about one's heart's desires.

Some desires seem to be signals in a person's heart that something is missing.  One's attitudes may change that into a feeling for which the person may choose to do certain things in order to resolve that desire.  In this, I consider a murderer, in how they are...driven into killing others.  I do not know what that would resolve in them, whether it be a need to feel control over another, or anything else to that degree, but...that sort of makes me further wonder about...desire.  How a person feels and what they do to resolve that feeling may be two different things, and further...  There are things that can be built up in the heart that...are evil.  It can drive a person insane because there is no way of purely satisfying those evil things, but...there are ways of removing them.  Those ways are...discipline...  I doubt that it's the same as...beating oneself to a pulp.  There can be painful discipline, like that which may be used on a child to get them to have self control and not do the wrong things...  There also seems to be something or anything that can be done to remove recursive poison from one's heart.  I don't know what it is, though.

Then there are acceptable and fruitful desires that aren't bad.  Trying to sort out the good and bad desires seems to be a bit difficult here and there.  There can be such a fine line between the two.  There is definitely a difference and no gray area, but...sorting the two can seem to be difficult.  Especially without Father's Light helping to shed light on the true nature of those items.  The energy.

Hmm...  One cannot be the slave of two masters, and neither can one's heart be able to cultivate two different types of fruit.  They either choose to cultivate good fruits, or they cultivate bad fruits.  If one tries to do both, there will only be war and conflict within them.  Rooting out the bad desires...is a process unto itself.  Seeking to go out on a witch hunt would be just that, and would potentially kill those that are innocent...

Purity may be influenced by...motive, the way the desire may be resolved, actually possibly an endless list of influences.  But then, if and when it is learned that something is actually okay to fulfill, when does one do so?  Definitely based on situation, but...does it need be fulfilled?

This is what has been learned from a conversation with a fellow minister, and guardian:

A desire that is had must be determined to be pure or not.  This is done via Father's help.  If it is a pure desire, then one should do what they can, and what they are allowed.  One should then entrust whatever they cannot do to Father.  And definitely pray from beginning to end on all these things.  Not acting on a pure desire is like not acting on Father's True inspiration, which is cowardly.  Being a coward is...extremely discouraged.

This is just a couple personal experiences.  They both lead to the same lesson.  First, when I had set myself to read scripture from beginning to end in a fast pace, of which a fast pace is anything other than following Father's Spirit and learning Wisdom and instruction by Father's own hand, I had begun to feel sharp pains in my heart.  That was a direct sign from Father that I shouldn't be doing that.  Truly, a person must consider each stroke of a letter in scripture as if a wonderful treasure...and probably continually deeper than that.  The second is in...deciding to just live with a desire that pained me not to even do anything about.  There are desires in one's heart that can be good, and can be bad.  Those desires that are okay and are good, they shouldn't be just ignored or miscalled as evil.  Calling a pure desire evil is...well...a sin...because that is the same as calling Father's Inspiration as something that came from evil, which is to call Father evil, which is a horrible...horrible...horrible...blasphemy.  In that way, and because I called a desire evil that was actually driven by purity, and set myself to try to live without it and exist without it, I received such pain in my heart that could only be described as a deteriorating heart condition.  Only by listening to the desires that were definitely driven by Father's own generosity and selfless giving, and actually believing to do something about it, is the feeling any bit...satisfied and okay.

The lesson in both accounts is simply to listen to Father's instruction and direction.  If something is learned and deemed impure, it must be abolished with immediacy.  If it is pure, it should be acted upon.  These things come from Father's Spirit speaking within one's heart.  This can escalate even to points of physical pain...and to tell the truth, that is actually at a bit of an extreme.  One shouldn't go that far, nor be so hard of hearing, nor even cling to beliefs that are obviously false.  As well, none of the desires Father provides, whether be discipline or encouragement, should be grudgingly acted upon, because that is just about as bad as not acting on them at all.  Father doesn't provide the things She does out of Her own necessity, for She definitely doesn't need anything at all.  Rather, it is truly out of love and generosity from Her own true and very, very rich and loving heart.

Scientists seek to create this particle that they cannot read, which is created by the collision of two particles.  It is Interesting that utilizing Father's lessons and combining the pieces of the Jigsaw can yield Wisdom (if Father allows the knowledge and understanding to progress to Father's placement of Wisdom in one's heart), from Father, and insight.

This is also saying that Wisdom is not just knowledge, but is much more, and is actually a part of Her own self.  Only a small, really, really small part.

Consider how deeply a person can divide the number of pi, and how no one would be able to go very far if Father didn't already provide the number to do so.  Whatever calculation a person can provide, no matter how accurate for the pattern of pi, up to fifty billion decimal points, Father is able to provide even more decimal points.  That is how very intricate and detailed and accurate Father can be in all that She does, and that's not even beginning.

Last night, a few questions were being pondered, and what was really coming to mind was exactly what the questions were really asking or stating or wondering.  I realize that a lot of what a person says is not 100% what they mean to say, and what all is actually on their heart.  In fact, what it really seems like is that there is a lot of translation that goes on in the mind and other parts that creates all of what one says, which may not always be everything that a person actually says.  By trying to see "between the lines" of what one is saying, they are deriving what is being said, and thus seeing deeper into what is being shared.  What was also shared last night was simply that there are even deeper things underneath the deep things of what one seems to actually be sharing in the very simple phrases that one may be using.  And then there are deeper things beneath that, and so forth.

Then...now this is just what seems to be seen, is that at the very core of it all, and actually all the way from there to the point of what one says, is Father's energy.  Father's energy gets mixed with one's Free Will, and then further with the Free Will of others and the influence from there, but the very core lies Father's own energy and makeup, for which we are all utilizing at all the given times.  One can keep deriving and integrating and deriving and pulling all that they can, but the solution is already there, and so is the beginning.  It's like, we are given knowledge of the Alpha and Omega, the Cornerstone and Capstone.  Getting to those two points, and continually doing so, shows further and further how intricate and detailed everything is, and how much further one has to grow and learn and know.  As well as apply.  And it all works in conjunction with the other, that is, if it is all by Father's very own self.  Anything else just doesn't work.

Advice given to me holds true about listening to anything a demon will say.  Don't listen to them, as listening is just as ingesting poison from their voices.  One will only get sick, and be made to a weak point so that they may attempt to swallow one whole.  [I am not sure to what extent it would be wise to even hear them out, but as it may seem, there doesn't seem to be any business anyone would have with them in Father's Light.  I know that there are times when demons had to be ... handled ... but people don't seem to have any dealings with them, except in terms of evil, which isn't anywhere anyone would want.]  They will try to use one's reasoning and thinking against oneself, and utilize thought patterns that are not constructive or necessary, much like idle speaking.  One will see that the thoughts go nowhere by Father's aid.  The distress in one's heart won't be due to a horrible realization, but rather Father's Spirit cringing from the ideas entering one's heart.  One must not be deceived by their own heart, or allow that to occur.

I have been down that path a couple times, actually.  I had listened to deception and lies, and even allowed my heart to feel the wrong way, and thought that my heart felt so bad because of the lies that I thought were actually true.  All negativity seems to do is want to bring down everyone that is positive.  The account of Cain and Abel shows this.  It was actually possibly a combination of what I did not know, what my heart felt, and anything else.  Multiple attempts were made to try to stifle any growth to spiritual maturity, to points where there could be any strong defense other than a strong endurance and perseverance.  It's all a continual pattern...and I am not sure what other patterns there are, or if anything actually really ever changes.  The more the pattern is recognized, however, the more that can be learned, and realized.  It's like the same combination of attacks made at a person, and one might be able to see where it all leads.  However...

The core of the issue is this: being able to see the root lie that all of their attacks are stemming from.  I think it stems out of hate...  The core concept that I do not think I have actually maintained is a concept about love.  Basically, a concept about Father, which is...being able to understand all that I should understand about Father.  One of the times I believed lies was in thinking horribly about myself, and being depressed and even seemingly beating myself up.  If I believed in Father's love rather than the lies that were being driven into my mind, I wouldn't have focused on the hateful lies that were coming to mind.  I wouldn't have allowed the hate to continue to stir against myself.  If one further understands love and what love all means and implies, then one would understand when Father is providing a rebuke that actually aids one in their walk towards and with Father.  At times, I have even seen when Father's rebuke has still made my heart glad, or...free.  It's like opening one's eyes after they have been shut for so long...it might hurt because they are sensitive from a lack of usage, but it is such a wonderful thing to be able to see.  Yet, only with rebukes or evil that come from evil is there destruction and pain that goes nowhere.  Of course, one is always consistently learning about love, too, just as they would learn about Father.  However, with whatever one does learn, they should utilize, maintain, and protect.  They are treasures.  That which Father provides.

So, really, the big question is...well, maybe a couple big questions.  First, how does one know when they are taking or hearing an evil thought injection, and second, what does one do about it?

Being able to know right from wrong is something that is an ongoing learning process, just as one would continue to learn about love, wisdom, and so many other things that Father has provided.  Being able to discern when an evil thought injection is oppressing oneself will be something that is an ongoing learning process that is within one's mind.  When it comes to the heart, that's a different setup, because the heart will give feelings, especially via Father's Spirit, as to different things.  One must not be deceived by what they are feeling, though, just as one must not be deceived by what they see with their eyes.  It is far too easy to do that.  If the wisdom that Father has provided in one's mind does not match up with the wisdom they are feeling in their heart, one should stop and seek Father for further understanding and clarity.  It is not good if two things that should be aligned are not.  It leaves one open for attack, and further, it can cause one to take action that is not correct, but very evil.  Rash action is not suitable.

Now, if the thought injection(s) is trying to press itself to make one do something although things don't seem right, recall that love does not press its Way on others.  Understanding that would be key to helping fend off such force.  Further, if one is still in spiritual immaturity, and evil is trying to stifle them from growing, one must pray and look to Father in everything, sharing with Father everything that is coming to their mind, everything.  Father won't allow Her children to be put through anything that they cannot handle, and further, will protect them so that they do not get corrupted outside their Free Will.

About what to do about evil thought injections...  Usually ignoring them works, as resisting them places a barrier between oneself and doing something evil.  There are some other things that can help, like clearing one's mind, blocking off any energies utilized to give the thought injection, and maybe some other things that are not totally known, yet.  For the most part, it's just like if something evil does come to mind.  One would just remove it and move on in Father's Light.

Here are some other things that came to mind:

If one feels Father would want them to be afraid, consider that oneself should already innately have that and not require further inspiration.  In fact, consider how Father treated those who showed they feared Her.  If one would think Father wants them to feel bad, feel shame, continual rebuke, and so forth, just look at the examples of those whom made themselves that way and how Father treated them.  Humility and goodness shouldn't need to be forced upon one's slave/child/student, it should already come from their heart, so if evil would use that to oppress oneself, Father's love should be remembered.

Evil will try to utilize anything not of the Way, including lust.  One's understanding about love may be limited, and that limit might be used against oneself, but Father will help to direct one's heart where oneself isn't capable on their own.  They will even try to land injections that will mess with one's feelings.  One must maintain their integrity and uphold Father's principles.

Whatever is done, it seems to lead to negativity and their control over oneself.  Continual growth in all aspects towards Father will help thwart the attackers.  Father's Spirit will help take care of things further.  Father will guarantee the results; fulfilling Her promise.  Oneself must be willing to go forth towards Father no matter what.

Coming to understand why the heart gives certain feelings, not necessary emotion, but gives the senses of certain things...  Father can provide the insight.  If one doesn't know or understand, they must pause and wait for Father, holding out at all costs.  Making a wrong action may be worse than just being patient.

Learning to undo the works of evil and sharing that knowledge.  Learning how to further follow Father's Spirit correctly.  Interesting how different things can seem innately right or wrong.  If things seem very wrong, one is in a dangerous situation.  One must take care to guard their heart.  Anything that has access to it can destroy their life, or further it.  Not sure if there is anyone outside of Father who can save a person's heart who has fallen into the grip of evil.  A person who doesn't have Father's Spirit in their heart cannot act on all the Way just with their memory and learning.  Anything else with access or ability to manipulate one's heart must be guarded against to every extent possible.  Father must be guarded within one's heart.  If Father inspires oneself to be a Way and uphold certain things and act a certain way, they must do so no matter what.  Seeds that are sown by Father must take root and be cared for, not just left unmaintained.  Father will guide in what advice may be taken.  With anything that bothers oneself, one should make the attempt to understand what it is.

A "tough" attitude should be avoided, as that might spurn unrealistic perspectives that aren't kin to the Truth.

Watch for signs and signals.  All should correlate.

Proverbs 1:26 -- I, in turn, will laugh at your calamity. I will mock when terror strikes you,

Ezekiel 35:15 -- Just as you rejoiced over the inheritance of the house of Israel because it became a desolation, so I will deal with you: you will become a desolation, Mount Seir, and [so will] all Edom in its entirety. Then they will know that I am the LORD.

One shouldn't rejoice over the destruction over another.  Father does not rejoice in the destruction of those who do not accept Her Son.  Father's laughter can be quite a mystery, something more to learn about Her.

One shouldn't be concerned with the thinking of "what if."  In personal experience, I have set myself to sit and wonder all the possibilities of what can happen, so that I might be better prepared for the event that is to come, such that I would know what I am going to do.  To tell the truth, I don't recall a time when I have thought of all the possibilities, and it would seem that more often than not, what actually happens is not in any of the possibilities that had come to mind.  Perhaps a good analogy would be in a fight...one may not always know everything about how their opponent is going to attack, but to restrict oneself for what they only think their opponent is going to do will only leave themselves wide open for when something unexpected occurs.

I need to stop trying to be smart or witty or tactful...  Sometimes it isn't actually funny, but rather obnoxious.

[This is just...something I was wondering]

What would Christ do if someone jumped out at Him and kissed Him?  Namely, one who is not just kissing Him for giving, but for taking.

Try to maintain a forward-thinking, positive and also serious mindset that doesn't reminisce about the past.  Evil may try to use that to set one's thought patterns on the wrong path, to which they can take advantage.  If a thought process or thought isn't conducive to growth of Wisdom, one must consider its true purpose for being there.

Do not apply wise sayings incorrectly.  That mocks Father.  This may also be in one's lack of understanding, or just simply any lack at all.

Demons, anything, can utilize one's thoughts, even one's heart, against them.  Certain thoughts will trigger certain reactions in the heart.  If the heart gets sick from the acceptance of a lie, but the target doesn't know it's a lie, or falsehood, then an evil thought injection can be utilized to make oneself think their heart is sick because of a different reason.  The clearance of lies and acceptance of the Truth helps to clear this possibility from being used against oneself.  One must remember how deceitful the heart can be, and must stick to the Truth that is also in other parts of their being.

Each part of one's being can have multiple dimensions.  [That's a lot to learn about.]

Perhaps Free Will is something that should be treasured.  It is a part of a person, and a gift from Father, at that.

Love doesn't force its way on others.

Before one begins to totally increase their bodily capabilities, they must understand how it all works.  Part of that is in increasing their endurance before other muscular capabilities.  Once that is high, they can move their strength and other capabilities with it.  If their endurance is lacking, all their other statistics will not be able to really manage.  Like a seed that needs to take root.  It can only do so if it has the endurance to do so.  Taking this to note, though, one should also have proper nutrition and a proper spirit, heart, and all other parts, including a brain, in order to properly produce endurance, and at the bottom, beginning of this derivation, is simply, yet most sophisticatedly complex, Father.  Our beloved.

Sophism... how many things in this world seem to have correct form but are structured around a fallacy?

If one's heart can be likened to different ground that may or may not be fertile, and one accepts that, they are then taking the humble position of calling their own heart dirt.  That can mean a lot to Father.  Not only is it humble, it allows Father the opportunity and good possibility of growing good and pleasant things that make good use of fertile ground.

A simple wise proverb is deep soil, water, a seed, ... wisdom is much more, and much more.